Love without Hate

I had a gay friend growing up in my late teens/early adulthood. Still, to this day, some of my best memories. We eventually naturally drifted apart, not because of his sexual orientation or my decision to follow Christ.

But I still look back at that friendship and I think of how genuine it was - we were best friends. We spent a lot of time together, shared our interests, and had very deep conversations about life - more so than I've had with some fellow Christians and people in my church today. Heck, my friend even took me to church with him once (before I ever wanted to voluntarily step in one).

One year we took a trip to Florida for WrestleMania. On the way down, we stopped in a very "southern" town. My friend dressed a bit differently where his orientation was noticeable. Upon leaving a pharmacy outlet, he was heckled by a bunch of southern guys and cursed at, for no reason. I was amazed at how easily he brushed it off - but I was actually quite scared. I didn't know if those men in their truck were going to follow us or what. It was the first time in my life I've seen homophobia and it was disgusting. But for my friend, it was just another day in his shoes.

I'm saying all that because I want people reading this to know that I HATE HOMOPHOBIA. I also hate racism, sexism, and any other form of hateful behavior towards other human beings. I'm saying this because there are going to be people who might have a different definition of what "hate" means and for that reason, they might want to persecute me for sharing this...

Homosexuality is not Biblical. It's not hard to find in the Bible. That being said...

Treating people poorly is also not Biblical. Also not hard to find in the Bible.

And to say that homosexual individuals have been treated poorly by society is probably a huge understatement and I'm sure there's a more fitting word or phrase to use to describe the actual hateful behavior that people in the LGBTQ community have experienced in their lives.

But I'd like to take a moment to define what hate is and what hate isn't.

Hate IS intentionally treating someone as less than human. It's looking down on them, mocking them, humiliating them, wishing harm upon them, threatening them, abusing them, or treating them as though they are less valuable than you or other people are. Hate can be physical, verbal, emotional, or even exist quietly in the heart. This is not just applicable for homosexual individuals, but anyone. Now, let's talk about what hate ISN'T. Hate isn't disagreeing with someone, or taking an opposing viewpoint on a matter. Hate isn't believing that something is sinful based on what God and the Bible say. Hate isn't peacefully sharing what the Bible teaches, even if it's unpopular. Hate isn't holding people within your community of faith accountable (lovingly, non-violent, non-manipulative, etc.) to what is taught and believed. You see, I'm not justifying anyone who uses the Bible to physically, emotionally, etc. hurt people. In fact, that abuse of scripture, to harm and oppress others, should be condemned by the global church. Rather, I lean into the Bible to love people better. Love is a nuanced word in our culture - but it's a rather simple one Biblically.

Our culture defines love, in part, to mean affirming others and their choices. Some may even say that if we don't affirm others' choices, it's actually hateful. This is just plain wrong. I'm not asking everyone to affirm my choices - in fact, I invite people to challenge them.

Today's definition of love is in direct opposition with what the Bible teaches love to be. The Bible compels Christ's followers to love others by alerting them to spiritual and eternal danger. I'm talking about hell. The Bible says that all have sinned and without Jesus, all are on a highway to hell (sorry, AC/DC fans, not my pick of song).

Now tell me this - if you saw a neighbor or even a stranger about to fall into an open manhole, would you not yell and warn them? How much would you have to hate that person to just watch them fall without saying anything? This is what the Bible teaches. It doesn't teach that we need to seek others' harm or stay quiet about what we believe is about to happen. Rather, it teaches that we should urgently alert others of the danger we believe exists. And that is true for EVERYONE, not just individuals that we can identify easily as "sinners." I've wrestled with this. So I wrote a parable.

Joe has two new neighbors on his floor, Jay and Brian. Jay is transgender. Brian is male and has a girlfriend who often sleeps over his apartment. Joe invites Jay out to coffee a few weeks later and shares his faith directly with them, sharing lovingly that they should repent. The next day, Joe discovers Brian is looking for a new church for him and his girlfriend. They've been dating for a little over 3 months and he believes the relationship is getting more serious so he rented a new apartment with two closets and room for a larger bed. Brian comes over Joe's place, they pray over their meal, and they watch a football game together, talking mostly about the game. Was Joe loving towards both individuals - or just one?

The truth many Christians don't want to see is that the largest demographic of people who are sexually immoral according to the Bible are heterosexuals. Our society has hyper-normalized relationships where people live together before marriage, have sex before marriage, take marriage vows, and often divorce selfishly. This is reinforced in school and across all media platforms. In fact, the greater issue might be the problem of pornography and masturbation (which is an entirely separate blog on its own).

This is not ok.

I am going to say it again - this is NOT OK.

Christians are called to preach the Biblical view of relationships and marriage - BUT - they do not get to pick and choose what they label as sinful and what they tolerate. In fact, it is sinful in itself to treat sin differently. Sin is sin. The parable continues...

Joe arrives at church next week and to his surprise, Jay is there. They thank Joe for caring about their soul and wanted to come see what their church is like. Joe, happy but taken a little off guard, expresses gratitude to Jay and politely excuses himself to say hello to other members. But Joe doesn't return to see Jay. As Jay leaves, they notice Joe, Brian, and Brian's girlfriend sitting by one another on the other side of the room. Jay leaves quietly and doesn't return.

Now, let me say this - I'm not saying every follower of Christ is Joe. Heck, I don't think there are many Joes out there sharing their faith like they should be. In fact, there are probably more Jays out there (willing to come if invited). But the reality is - many Christians are fooling themselves and making a mockery of God by effortlessly affirming non-Biblical hetero-relationships - or passively looking away.

Let's recap. I'm not affirming homosexuality, gender transitioning or the like as Biblical and I'm not affirming hate against the LGBTQ community. I am encouraging that the church love them better. And aside from condemning hateful actions towards them, in and outside the church, a big part of loving them better is not being a double-minded person.

There is no Biblical basis that I'm aware of that implies sexual sin will be judged differently. We need to wake up and recognize that the Church-at-large has a huge blindspot - a serious one that is likely to be endangering peoples' souls.

And I am writing all this because if there are any Joes out there reading this, please do share your faith in Jesus and salvation through repentance. But in doing so, consider everyone's guilt and be wise to not regard any intentional sin as somehow justifiable. I want to end by saying this - I have family, friends, and acquaintances who are part of the LGBTQ community and if you are one of the people reading this, I want you to know that I love you. Your decisions and how you choose to live your life will never change the way I feel about you. But if what the Bible teaches is important to you, and if what happens to our souls after death is a question you are seeking, then I would invite you to examine the scriptures. And I'd be happy to walk with you through that. The grace of God through His Son Jesus Christ is for you and for everyone.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

(John 3:17)

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